I get a lot of questions about sexual desire, pleasure, and orgasm. I thought I’d try compiling them all and answering them all at once. [Disclaimer: I reference a lot of other articles in this post, and most of them talk about “women” and “female” like they’re the same thing, or like cis women are the only people reading the article. Sorry. I wish I could change the language, but the information is good so I still want you to have access to it.]
- What is an orgasm? What does it feel like? How will I know that I’ve had one? An orgasm is the cumulation of sexual pleasure and tension in the pelvic muscles that ends in a release of the tension. Every single orgasm, even for the same person, will feel different. This can be because of the person we’re with, the things we’re thinking about, how high or drunk or tired we are. Some will be mind-blowing, some will be no big deal. Read more here.
Please read this article about how to figure out if you’ve had an orgasm.
Learn about the body during a female orgasm.
- Why can’t I orgasm during penetration? Most vagina-owners cannot. Kind of a bummer, right? Especially since we’ve seen all of these movies and tv shows where there’s soft sexy bodies rubbing and thrusting and then WOW BOOM BAM KABLAM ORGASM MANIA. Not so in real life. Some people do orgasm vaginally, and that’s awesome. But if it doesn’t happen for you, no stress. It’s something you and your partner (or your vibrator) can work on, and if it doesn’t happen, that’s fine, since there are tons of other ways to orgasm. A combination of clitoral and vaginal stimulation works the best for most people. That can be fingers on the clitoris plus penis in the vagina or vibrator in the vagina plus mouth on the clitoris or dildo in the vagina plus vibrator on the clitoris - the possibilities are endless.
Try these techniques.
- What is “squirting” or “female ejaculation”? Why can’t I do it? Squirting is the term for what happens during orgasm when people with vaginas release clear, non-odorous, non-urine fluid from the body. It can happen at the height of the orgasm or before. The Skene’s Glands open up either to tiny holes around the urethra (where pee comes out) or into the urethra itself. That is often why it may feel like peeing during Squirting. You can stimulate the Skene’s glands by inserting one or more fingers into the vagina with your palm facing the ceiling and stroking gently at 11 and 1 o’clock, if you imagine the opening of the vagina to be a clock.
Read more here.
7 Ways to know if you’re peeing or squirting.
- Why am I so dry during sex? Is it normal to be dry during sex? Vaginal lubrication during sex comes from stimulation and arousal. If you’re not aroused, it is easy to be dry, which can lead to discomfort during penetration. One suggestion is to get yourself more aroused before penetration either by orgasm through vibrator, oral sex, fingering etc before penetration, or by watching porn or reading erotic fiction. You can also continue to use a vibrator during sex to help you continue to remain aroused. Use lube. Use lots and lots of lube. There are always times when you’re not at 100% aroused but you still want to have sex, or maybe you’re aroused but you still want to be good to your vagina - use lube. Lube is great, and it helps you to protect the fragile tissue that makes up the vagina. I labored for years under the false assumption that having to use lube meant I wasn’t a good enough woman, or that I wasn’t a good enough vagina, or something. I don’t know. It meant I wasn’t good enough. But then I realized how absolutely absurd that is! Lube is fun, it’s sexy, it’s comfortable. Use it all you like, no matter the situation. People love to feel wet and to feel that their partner is wet. But what if that’s not a problem? I’m 100% aroused and I still dry out really quickly during sex? Then maybe it’s time to check in with your provider. There could be a few things going on, and one of them is that when people have vaginal infections like yeast infections or Bacterial Vaginosis, sex can be quite painful for them. See if that’s going on, and whether it is or not, you can get more information about your body from your provider.
- Should sex be painful? No. No no no no no. Sex should not be painful, unless you’re in a consensual BDSM relationship in which that is part of your sex play. If it is painful (the first time or following times), stop. You can say to your partner, “Wait, this is really uncomfortable right now. I really want to have sex with you, so let’s do something to make this more comfortable. How do you feel about going down on me/using a vibrator with me/talking dirty/role play/etc?” Most of the time, your partner will be just as into it as you, since it is really sexy to make your partner feel good. If your partner isn’t interested, you can either continue the conversation or say, “Ok, that’s fine. I think I’m going to wait to have sex with you though, until it’s more comfortable for me. Let’s try this again tomorrow.” Or whatever is comfortable to you to say in that situation.
More about consent.
Consent is sexy.
Demystifying Painful Intercourse
Help for guys who don’t want to have painful sex.
So let’s go over the things we’ve learned here.
- Orgasms are different for everyone. They take practice, relaxation, and fun.
- Use lube. Use it all the time. Buy it in bulk.
- Squirting is fun, it can happen for most people with practice.
- Try not to get frustrated when things don’t work out right away in your sex life. Give it time, open yourself up to pleasure.
- Sex should not be painful.
- Consent is sexy.
Ok friends, good forth and have fun, sexy, consensual sex!
aside from being cissexist the whole XX = female and XY = male thing is Straight-Up Wrong
AFAB people can have XO, XXX, XXXX and XY chromosomes while AMAB people have have XXYY, XYY, and XX chromosomes and since the majority of the population never has their karyotype examined, they’ll never know that they have one of these chromosomal quirks unless that specific combination has associated symptoms, and not all of them do. you could literally have one of the aforementioned combinations without even knowing it and meanwhile you’re insisting that all AFAB people are XX and that anyone else who has this must also be female
we could also talk about how hormonal patterns for XX persons can naturally and biologically mirror that of a typical XY person, or vis versa, which gives rise to things like androgen insensitivity disorder. here u have it, folks, an whole group of intersex people who have XY chromosomes and testicles and vulva and vagina, all grown naturally, all at the same time.
the number of people who are intersex mirror the number of people who are born with red hair, but no one goes around trying to say that red isn’t a natural hair colour just because the phenotype doesn’t manifest in the majority of the population.
The whole sex binary is bullshit.
jess what should i know about medieval lesbians this is very important it is for science
CRASH COURSE IN WESTERN MEDIEVAL LESBIANRY
- Lesbians existed
- They wrote each other poems
- They probably banged in gardens a lot
- (That’s my own personal speculation but men were supposed to stay away from gardens like hello sexytime)
- They probably got away with it a lot because medieval men were pretty clueless
- Also because it wasn’t considered actual sex unless a penis or dildo was involved
much like the modern day
- No, really.
- That being said there is a twelfth-century poem out there that calls lesbian sex “thigh-fencing” like a joust which is pretty hilarious
- Nuns lived in convents together. Giggity.
- If you were a nun or a single woman or a widow people were more likely to be okay with you banging a chick because they figured you couldn’t get your rocks off elsewhere (!)
- Also sometimes they’d “diagnose” a woman with “hysteria” (i.e. a nonspecific illness or disorder thought to be caused by a lack of sex) and the obvious solution was to have a midwife come and “bring her to hysterical paroxysm”.
- No, really.
- "Hysterical paroxysm"
- That’s what the kids were calling in back in the 1400s.
- Punishments for lesbians were pretty fucking awful and got worse over time
- Most of it is speculation because lesbians in history are virtually invisible and there has never been a complete history of medieval ladylove written ever
- But on the bright side, garden sex!
*** Jacqueline Murray, “Twice Marginal and Twice Invisible”***
Graham N. Drake. “Queer Medieval: Uncovering the Past.”
Diane Watt. “Why Men Still Aren’t Enough.” (ngl I haven’t read this I just included it because of the brilliant title)
things they don’t show you in porn:
- elbowing each other in the face
- leg cramps
- accidentally pulling each other’s hair
- ass pubes
things they also don’t show in porn:
- sleepy morning sex
- mutual giggle fits over awkward situations
- sex fading into cuddles fading into sex and back into cuddles
- your lover’s o face
so don’t ever compare yourself to porn thank you
it ok to not be ready
Please spread this shit like wildfire. People go on and sit through the whole experience and they’re uncomfortable because they just want to please their partner and they don’t tell them that they want to stop because they are not ready. It’s okay not to be ready.
- Your gender identity is a separate concept from your sex.
- Your presentation (how you dress/ present yourself) is a separate concept from your gender identity.
- Your sexual orientation is a separate concept from all of those things.
- Your romantic orientation is a separate concept from those things.
- Often these things have nothing to do with one another!
I THINK IT’S REALLY IMPORTANT TO TALK ABOUT MASTURBATION AND SEX AND ORAL SEX ETC. ETC. FREELY LIKE IT’S A NORMAL THING BECAUSE IT IS A NORMAL THING IT’S A NORMAL HUMAN THING TO ENJOY PLEASURE AND A LOT OF PEOPLE ESPECIALLY GIRLS DON’T REALIZE THAT SO THAT’S WHY I TALK ABOUT IT SO FREELY IT’S IMPORTANT
Often, after doing that, they’ll also report following that up with a second common oops, which is just flipping that same condom over and then putting it on the right way.
Condoms are highly effective safer sex tools to reduce the risk of transmitting or acquiring STIs, as well as a very effective method of contraception. But that effectiveness depends a whole lot on using them not just consistently, but properly. This isn’t proper use.
If you can see the image here on the page, you’ll notice the edge of the condom is rolled facing up. Like the brim of a hat. Or a rolled up sock or stocking before you put it on. Or, if you cuff your jeans, how the cuff looks when you look down at it.
Rolled up, towards you when you’re looking at it, rather than rolled under or down, with the rolled-up rim facing away from you.
When you — or a partner — go to put it on a penis, toy or prosthetic, you want to be looking at it like that, with that rolled edge facing up, then roll it down from there, which will usually be easy when it’s the right way.
If it’s a struggle to roll down, chances are when you look at it, you’ll find it’s not facing the right way: and whoops, you or yours didn’t put it on right.
If that happens, you’ll need to toss that condom out, and try again with a new one.
That one you flubbed with is no good to you anymore. It’s potentially had contact with fluids or pathogens if it’s had contact with whatever it was being put on, the fluids or pathogens a condom, properly used, keeps you from having contact with.
Read the rest at Scarleteen here!
“What Old People Think About Gay Sex”
“How do you identify?”
I’ve never hit reblog so fast in my life.
“There’s nothing wrong with being a slut”
I think I need these people to adopt me as their granddaughter okay
I love old people. They say the most naughty and raunchy things and it’s hilarious.
“Ill be sexual until the day I die”
Hey! Did you know:
- sex is okay
- so is masturbation
- watching porn won’t make you impure
- one night stands are okay too
- having sex with multiple people doesn’t make you a slut
- even 3-somes or group sex and orgies are a-okay
- sex with the same gender is alright
- not having sex doesn’t make you a prude
- your body your choice no matter your gender
- shaming other people for who they have sex with, how much they have sex, and even their kinks make you NOT okay!
I found too many things about people — teens especially — only realizing that not saying no does not equal a yes once they’re told.
So I made a thing.
I’m so sorry if I did something wrong, I’m not 110% sure what I’m doing, so I’m almost scared to post this, but…
Sign here, if you’re interested.
Signed and passed it on to FB and Twitter. This is a cause worth spreading about.
Reform for sex education is BIG DEAL and that includes teaching people what consent is and means!
This looks like a good idea.
Don’t separate your class by gender or sex, it can make trans* students very uncomfortable and it completely writes off individuals that do not identify in the gender binary. You can’t tell how someone identifies from how they look, and their experiences could differ wildly from your own.